In Case You Didn't See It

Here's Fox News on a serious song written quite successfully in the "genre" of "HeeHaw."



I'm not sure what one would think the guy attacking Carrey and the song/video is talking about. Certainly he isn't addressing Carrey's tweet, which begins the video and the Fox segment. Tossing Heston's long past support of the Civil Rights Movement into the mix is something of a misdirection, and obviously if one's past triumphs were a carte blanche into the club of privilege, Fox would have been beating Rush Limbaugh about the head and shoulders for some decades for Limbaugh's incessant ridicule of Jesse Jackson.

The gun debate is a simple thing. America is suffering horrors as an obvious consequence of the fact that America is awash with firearms, including firearms designed to kill humans by the score in a matter of seconds--and that's a literal description of what large magazines offer as a capability. Last December twenty little children were slaughtered in less than 5 minutes. Large majorities of Americans, including American voters, are appalled. They want alterations made in the system of how guns are distributed among us.

The NRA has offered a patent absurdity as a "solution." It is, simply: "we need more guns." This absurdity is actually being accepted by many in government, at both the state and federal levels. In NC today, for example, our Governor has formed a committee to study whether schools need more armed personnel. At least they're "studying" it. In Congress, meanwhile, five of the most "conservative" Republican Senators (where we might perhaps read "conservative" as a synonym for "bought and paid for by the weapons industry") have now said they will attempt to filibuster any legislation aiming to address the obvious problem. Moreover, the legislation that most obviously addresses the problem we have--legislation restoring the assault weapons ban and strengthening it by crafting a more inclusive definition of "assault weapon," and legislation outlawing large magazines--is not even in the proposed bill that the "conservatives" promise to filibuster. The weapons legislation currently being considered, as I understand it, has now been reduced to a broadening of background checks. That's it.

The NRA, and it's paid subsidiary Fox News, clearly feels that any effort to deal with the endless slaughter is a threat to their unfettered market. Instead of addressing what is now as plain as day, they strive to press the divisions in the country, the fears that go bump in the night, the George Zimmerman point of view. And if someone with the wit of a Jim Carrey crafts a spoof song that gets to the heart of the matter, well he's going to pay. At least on Fox.

Here's the lyrics to "Cold Dead Hand."




Cold Dead Hand (c) Jim Carrey, 2013

Some folks ride like the wind
With the whispering pines to guide them
And the burning light inside them
Keeps them warm in the snow

Others fear the sounds they hear
Make bandito's out of mole-hills
Fill their hearts with porcupine quills
They’re dead and buried long before they go

Charlton Heston movies are no longer in demand
His immortal soul my lay forever in the sand
The angels wouldn’t take him up to heaven like he planned
‘Cause they couldn’t pry that gun from his cold dead hand

It takes a cold dead hand to decide to pull the trigger
It takes a cold dead heart and as near as I can figure
With your cold dead aim you’re trying to prove your dick is bigger
But we know your chariot may not be swinging low

Cold dead hand - cold dead hand
Cold dead hand - cold dead hand
You’re a big big man with an little bitty gland
So you need something bigger just to fill
Your cold dead hand

Imagine if the lord were here
And he knew what you’ve been thinkin’
Would his sacred heart be sinkin’
Into the canyon of dismay

And on the ones who sell the guns
He’d sick the vultures and coyotes
Only the devil’s true devotees
Could profiteer from pain and fear

Charlton Heston movies are no longer in demand
His immortal soul my lay forever in the sand
The angels wouldn’t take him up to heaven like he planned
‘Cause they couldn’t pry that gun from his cold dead hand

It takes a cold dead hand to decide to pull the trigger
It takes a cold dead heart and as near as I can figure
With your cold dead aim you’re trying to prove your junk is bigger
But we know your chariot may not be swinging low

Cold dead hand - cold dead hand
Cold dead hand - cold dead hand
Cold dead hand - cold dead hand
You’re a big big man with an little bitty gland
So you need something bigger with a hair-pin trigger
You don’t want to get caught with your trousers down
When the psycho killer comes around
So you make your home like a thunderdome
And you’re always packin’ everywhere you roam
But the psycho’s win no matter what you do
‘Cause they’re gonna buy way more guns than you

And while you’re stumbling out of bed
They put five rounds in the back of your head
Or you get depressed ‘cause the money runs out
Then you put your own shotgun in your mouth
And your kids walk in and they find you there
Like a headless stump in your underwear
And they move the gun and it kills them too
And your wife just doesn’t know what to do
But she takes a hand grenade from her shoe
And she pulls the pin...

And it’s all on you
And your cold dead hand

performance link:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/0433b30576/cold-dead-hand-with-jim-carrey?playlist=featured_videos

Pretty goddam on the money I'd say. Carrey's brief response to the Fox tirade is nice too. You can find it here:

http://blog.zap2it.com/pop2it/2013/03/jim-carrey-blasts-fox-news-for-irresponsible-buffoonery-and-being-a-media-colostomy-bag.html

Hat tip to Digby for the post that initially caught my eye.